I seem to still be in a dessert frame of mind as we continue with Moshe’s farewell speech in Parshat Vaetchanan.
He starts by telling the people how he pleaded with God to let him into the land of Israel, “But GOD was wrathful with me on your account and would not listen to me.”(Deuteronomy 3:26) Because of them?! We all know the story. God told Moshe that he was not entering Israel because Moshe didn’t follow instructions and hit the rock instead of speaking to it. God also told Moshe to never speak of it again, and yet this phrase, “because of you” is repeated several more times in our parsha.
I think as parents (and humans) we often feel this way, even when our actions are our own, we yelled at our children because THEY were misbehaving. It is only after the fact when we can reflect and say, oh, perhaps I should have reacted differently. But here it is in fact a reflection. These are Moshe’s memories he is telling. I wonder if at that moment, although he is looking back and retelling that feeling was raw. Here is the promised land so close he could almost touch it, but it is out of reach.
He will never get the distance he needs to fully accept the responsibility he had in causing this consequence. Part of the appeal of the leaders of the Torah is that they are human beings with real emotion. This story is a prime example. I truly feel for him as he looked out into the dessert at the hills in the distance, longing for a place he will never see.
As we approach this season of introspection and forgiveness heading into Rosh Hashanah, may we all find the time to distance ourselves from the wrongs we create, and to right the wrongs that we have caused.